TAMPA, FLORIDA— Super Bowl LV was dramatically interrupted by a terrifying and indecent man running across the field with no mask on. Other sources have indicated that he was also wearing a pink one-piece, but onlookers were too appalled by his lack of proper masking to notice.
“We apologize for the disturbing & graphic images that were depicted on screen last night,” said NFL spokesperson Nancy Reynolds. “We promise to do a better job of censoring explicit content in the future.”
“There I was enjoying the Super Bowl and all of a sudden this man, this horrible man, ran out onto the field exposing everyone to his unfiltered breath!” said journalist Kathy Donaldson. “I was overcome by fear and terror and immediately blacked out.”
Many viewers at home had to cover their children’s eyes or shut off their TVs in disgust at the sickening display. “To be certain, this will go down as the most traumatizing Super Bowl of all time," said Chiefs fan Shelby Tatum. “After such a display of public lewdness, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to watch another NFL game.”
To make amends, The NFL has announced that next season players will be forced to wear helmets with built-in surgical masks.