MONTCLAIR, NEW JERSEY — With the writers' strike entering its fourth month, workers associated with late-night comedy shows are falling on hard times - even the incredibly popular dancing vaccines from The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.
To combat unemployment, the troop of gyrating needles say it has been forced to rent itself out to local children's birthday parties. "We were flying high back in 2021 when Mr. Colbert came up with what many say was the funniest segment on any talk show in the history of talk shows," said Marty Mack, veteran needle dancer. "Now look at me! I'm nothing but a guy in a syringe outfit, dancing for cake. It's humiliating."
The dancing needle performances have been met with mixed reviews, with many kids desperately pleading with the adults in the room to stop the madness. "Why are the needles dancing? Why, mommy? I'm so scared," said Tommy Wilson, birthday boy. "Shots are even scarier now! Mommy, make them go away! AAaaaa!!"
For his part, Steven Colbert applauded the dancing jabbers for their continued commitment to getting needles close to children. "These guys are fantastic," Colbert commented. "Almost makes me want to sell all that stock Pfizer gave me for having them on my show. Almost."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
