CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—A SpaceX launch ended in tragedy Thursday as the rocket intended to carry a cellular satellite into orbit around the earth bounced off the firmament described in the opening chapters of Genesis, sources confirmed.
The rocket accelerated higher and higher above the flat earth and toward the sun and moon a mere 3,000 miles away before suddenly bouncing off the glass-like dome containing the earth.
“We totally didn’t see this coming,” a SpaceX launch expert told reporters moments after the crash. “Where we seem to have gone wrong is in using NASA’s fake globe model rather than employing flat-earth models drawn by conspiracy theorists operating off ultra-literalist readings of the King James Bible.”
“We won’t make that mistake again, I tell you what,” he added.
NASA footage showed the rocket staying on course for several minutes before suddenly “plunking” into a mysterious barrier covering the atmosphere and plummeting back down to earth. Agency experts later confirmed it was in fact the firmament described in the King James Bible.