NASHVILLE, TN - In a move to distance itself from the racist South, the Southern Baptist Convention announced today it would be removing the word "Southern" from its name.
Contractors were brought in to remove the word "Southern" from all SBC buildings and local SBC churches across the country in an attempt to distance them from problematic, toxic Dixieland.
"This is just a little step to distance ourselves from our harmful past," said an SBC spokesperson. "We are listening to minority voices, and we are trying to do better."
A few different options have been put forward as replacements, including the following:
- Definitely Not From The South Baptist Convention
- The Northern Baptist Convention
- The Baptist Convention Formally Known As Southern
- The Baptist Chicks
- The Yankee Baptist Convention
- Potlucks & Welch's
At publishing time, sources confirmed the SBC would also be removing "Baptist" from the name, shortening its title to just "Convention."