U.S. - Giant sissy Joe Biden still hides in basement like small child, scared of tiny virus. "No one cough near me; I am very afraid," says the cowering man.

"So small. So weak," comment the pundits.

President Donald Trump, though, stands strong on balcony, having faced down illness and emerged victorious. "I have defeated it!" declares Trump. "I am unkillable! I now know the enemy and will destroy him!"

"Smart. Strong," say pundits.

Many debates left. Will Biden show? "I would like to stay in basement," says Biden. "It is safe from tiny virus."

"I will go out," speaks Trump. "I am scared of nothing. Be like me; be strong."

Voting time comes soon. Who will win? Signs unclear.