BARTLESVILLE, OK — Local sinners Don and Cecily Whitewash were "shaken to the core" Friday after coming to the realization that their children were growing up to be just like them: sinners.
"We're basically good people," said Mr. Whitewash, who according to sources, has fallen short of the Glory of God like the rest of mankind. "I mean, we're not murderers or anything. How could this happen?"
According to sources, their children are falling into dangerous habits like lying, cheating, and complete emotional breakdowns when they don't get their way — just like their parents. Don and Cecily have reportedly lost sleep trying to figure out why their children are acting just like them.
"I'm concerned that they're picking this all up from school," Mrs. Whitewash thought to herself while driving her kids home from school. "It's definitely not coming from me!"
Mrs. Whitewash then had a small temper tantrum as the car in front of her didn't go right away even after the light had turned green.
"If there was only something that could save my kids from all this sin," said Mr. Whitewash. "Gosh — it must be tough to be so sinful like my kids are. I really can't relate."
To reduce their stress, the loving parents let their kids watch whatever they wanted on Disney+ while they went into the other room and complained about their sinful children.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.