PORTLAND, OR - Kevin Drake got a surprise. While discussing politics with friends, he was suddenly accosted by a left-winger who started shrieking at him and throwing things, including a milkshake and also a brick. While Drake's friends were startled, Drake had dealt with left-wingers before and correctly identified the behavior as an attempt to communicate.

"He's expressing that he disagreed with something I said," Drake told his friends. He then repeated what he had said, observing when and how much the left-winger shrieked and got violent to try and determine what it was he disagreed with. When they found the opinion that set the left-winger off, though, they were uncertain what to do next. "We didn't understand why he disagreed, and when Kevin tried to ask him, he only shrieked louder and threw more things."

"While the far-left can successfully communicate what they disagree with by using noise and tossing objects," explained Dr. Robert Powell, a leading sociologist, "coherently explaining why they disagree with a view is unfortunately beyond their limited communication skills." When the left-winger's trigger has been identified, Dr. Powell said there are two options. One is to avoid saying the thing the left-winger disagrees with so he'll remain calm. The other is to hold him down and say what he disagrees with over and over in his face and then harvest his tears to later drink from a tumbler.