WASHINGTON, D.C. — After thirty minutes of intensely questioning HHS Secretary nominee Robert F. Kennedy Jr., senators took a brief break to announce that the next line of questioning was sponsored by Pfizer.
According to sources, Pfizer booked the most primetime questioning slot, while Moderna's lower Senate sponsorship level bought the opening statement.
"The next round of questions, which will be centered on shielding vaccine manufacturers from lawsuits, is brought to you by Pfizer," announced Senator Elizabeth Warren. "We are deeply thankful to Pfizer and all of our corporate sponsors who make this show happen. Now, Mr. Kennedy, isn't it true that you would like to see vaccine manufacturers held liable if they create unsafe vaccines, which will cause everyone in the world to die of polio?"
Mr. Kennedy argued that drug companies sponsoring a confirmation hearing for a health secretary violated ethics rules, but his complaints fell on deaf ears. "It's clear you don't want Pfizer sponsoring the Senate because you hate medicine and want children to die," said Senator Sheldon Whitehouse. "I think we've heard enough."
At publishing time, the Senate had announced that the actual vote on Kennedy's nomination would be sponsored by Johnson & Johnson.
Travis is back on his mission to interview everyone. Next on the list is celebrity chef and restauranteur Andrew Gruel.
