CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND — A team of leading physicists at the University of Cambridge theorized the existence of a motion picture that does not feature actress Zendaya.
The controversial paper, published after years of study, had already shaken the foundations of contemporary cinema.
"For years, the accepted model has been that every movie in the possible known universe contains Zendaya somewhere," said Dr. Lawrence Kepler, who led the research. "Sometimes she's the lead. Sometimes she's a supporting character. Sometimes she just appears in the trailer, for unclear reasons. But our equations indicate there's roughly a 0.00003% chance that another type of film could theoretically exist."
Hollywood insiders dismissed the theory as wild speculation.
"People have been claiming there's a movie without Zendaya for years," said one studio executive. "But every time someone actually watches it, she's there. I once sat through an entire documentary about lemurs, thinking it wouldn't happen. Well, well. Guess who showed up in the final moment to hug the newborn lemur?"
The study reignited debate among film historians, many of whom insisted that movies without Zendaya did once exist, though mostly in grainy archival footage from the distant era known as "2017."
At publishing time, movie producers had begun work on a movie about the Cambridge theory, starring Zendaya.
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