Scientists Suggest Prehistoric Women Were Better At Hunting Than Men Because They’d Talk So Much The Animals Would Just Die
Science · Mar 4, 2024 ·

WORLD — Scientists are now suggesting that prehistoric women were superior hunters to men, but not due to physical prowess or strategic skills. According to the researchers, it all comes down to one simple factor: their incessant talking.

"We've long speculated about the hunting dynamics and gender roles of our ancient ancestors," explained Dr. Burt Hudson, lead researcher on the study. "But our findings indicate that prehistoric women were so adept at endless small-talk that animals, overwhelmed by the constant chatter, simply dropped dead out of sheer exhaustion."

The study, conducted over several years in various prehistoric sites, revealed compelling evidence. "We found ancient cave paintings that showed while men were busy grunting and pointing at things, the women subdued massive animals by using only their voices," Dr. Hudson elaborated. "Remarkably, it appears that unendurably endless stories without a point and constant questions — not pointy spears — are what slew the beasts."

At publishing time, researchers discovered that a mass extinction led to a shortage of game, which caused the women to come back to the caves and talk to their husbands, forcing the husbands to flee the caves and invent farming.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

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