RED SEA - According to a recently uncovered ancient diary, Biblical scholars now believe that we may now know the words Moses spoke after leading the Israelites out of Egypt and fleeing Ramses with his army. The journal entry states that after crossing on dry land through the Red Sea, Moses planted his staff and shouted, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

According to the journal entry, just as the Egyptian army was closing in through the same Red Sea waters that the Lord had parted, Moses took his staff in both hands and shouted, "Ramses, I am a servant of the Lord of Hosts, wielder of the staff of God. You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Egypt! Go back to the shadow! YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

At that moment, the journal claims, the waters came crashing down on King Ramses along with his fearsome army of chariots. Moses turned to walk away as the Egyptian army drowned, but at the last possible second Pharoah's whip cracked through the air and wrapped around Moses's feet dragging him down with Ramses.

At publishing time, another journal entry was found detailing how Moses returned to the Israelites who thought him dead as Moses the White.  He told them how he and Ramses dueled on the highest peak of the lowest dungeon until he smote Ramses' ruin upon the mountainside.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.