TORONTO — Scandal has rocked the baseball world as shortly after their 11-4 World Series victory, several members of the Toronto Blue Jays tested positive for performance-enhancing maple syrup.
Suspicions arose immediately after the Blue Jays historic nine-run outburst in the sixth inning, with several pundits accusing the Blue Jays of "syruping."
"We have confirmation that at least twelve members of the Blue Jays tested well over the accepted maple syrup threshold," said MLB spokesman Dan Reeding. "This was no synthetic maple extract. Their blood tests showed extremely high levels of delicious, all-natural, performance-enhancing maple syrup. Oh, and pancakes."
The Dodgers organization have called for the Blue Jays to forfeit the first game over the scandal. "Something smelled wrong, and it smelled like maple," said Dodgers manager Dave Roberts. "I picked up one of their bats, and it smelled like a delightful fall morning, still a little sticky with syrup. I knew then and there."
The Blue Jays have issued an apology, though they maintain they had no intent to alter the outcome of the game. "We are guilty of nothing but being hungry and imbibing incredible amounts of warm, tasty syrup," said outfielder George Springer. "If that got us a little jacked in the sixth, so be it. I defy anyone to enjoy our trainer Bill's signature flapjacks and not pour on the maple. It was never about trying to bend the rules of baseball. It was always about the syrup."
At publishing time, MLB had issued a warning that all syrup consumed during the World Series must be corn syrup so as not to unfairly advantage the Canadians.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
