NASHVILLE, TN - America's largest Evangelical denomination is meeting in Nashville this week to debate and vote on important matters of the church-- including whether women can be pastors, which casserole is best, who is a racist, and whether or not to add Robin Diangelo's book White Fragility to the canon of inspired scripture.

"Robin Diangelo's masterful work addressed issues that our Bibles really missed," said voting member Bob Oblob. "It filled a very big hole in Christian theology that needed to be filled. The only possible explanation is that it was divinely inspired." 

"Yeah, the Apostle Paul really blew it," said another member. "Not only was he a white misogynist who condemned women pastors, but he also completely failed to address the central gospel issue of dismantling systemic racism. What were you thinking, Paul?"

"We need to be clear," said Oblob. "We do not support Critical Race Theory. We simply support the idea that our theology is systemically racist against oppressed minorities who experience oppression in different intersectional ways, that the main imperative of the church in this century is to liberate oppressed minorities from our cultural hegemony, and that we must decolonize our teaching of scripture and also dismantle the West. That has nothing to do with Critical Race Theory."

All eyes will be on the convention this week as people wonder whether the SBC will continue to thrive for years to come, or whether they're just a couple of decades behind the Methodists.