MORDOR — In order to ensure the kingdoms of Middle Earth pay their fair share to The Great Eye, Saruman has created an army of 87,000 tax collectors in the breeding pits of Orthanc Tower.
"I have finally built an army of tax collectors worthy of Mordor," exclaimed the corrupted White Wizard as he looked upon his creation. "Tax collectors were elves once, taken by the dark powers, tortured and mutilated. A ruined and terrible form of life. Now… perfected! Go and collect tribute from men and elves!"
Gondor has objected to what they see as a terrible overreach by Mordor. Saruman, however, has assured that no taxes will be collected from anyone making under 400,000 Castar per year. Instead, they will be carried off and enslaved in Isengard.
The army of tax collectors will be equipped with armor, swords, and spears in case anyone objects to their tax collecting.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
