CYPRESS, CA — Members of a local gym were shocked and distracted today after a woman — who was clearly new and not familiar with the expected attire of exercising females — spent her entire workout actually wearing clothing.

"She obviously has no idea what she's doing," said gym member Cody Faust. "As you can see from looking at all of the other ladies here, she's dressed far too modestly. It's such an unusual sight that it's honestly really distracting."

Other women working out were not pleased with the fully clothed woman taking attention away from them. "Who does this girl think she is?!" asked Brittni Jackson, whose gym attire would have to be pixelated if this story were being reported on television to meet common standards of decency. "When you're a woman coming to the gym, the first rule is to expose your body so you can get men to look at you and then become offended and angry that men are looking at you. Everyone knows this!"

Despite the commotion going on around her, the modestly dressed woman seemed unconcerned. "I'm here to exercise and maintain a healthy lifestyle," said the woman, Susan Warren. "What am I supposed to be wearing? Almost nothing? That sounds dumb. Sorry, I'm new at this."

At publishing time, Susan had further shocked gymgoers by finishing her workout and leaving the gym without even taking a selfie or posting an Instagram story to show she had been at the gym.

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