Church
Rookie Move: Non-Giver Makes Eye Contact With Church Usher

COLUMBIA CITY, IN—In a costly rookie move for the relatively new churchgoers, local man Bob Sealey and his wife Cindy made prolonged eye contact with the usher at Maple St. Lutheran Church Sunday morning, even though they had nothing to put in the offering plate.

When the usher approached and held out the plate, the Sealeys looked up and smiled at him, making eye contact for a full three seconds before passing the plate along, not giving so much as a dollar.

"That's gonna cost 'em," said a church service commentator on the instant replay. "Veterans in this game know how to shuffle their feet and look downward or pretend not to see the offering plate held out directly in front of them. Only a newbie like Bob would make that kind of eye contact without any shame."

"A disappointing performance from a promising prospect," he added.

At publishing time, Bob had fumbled the handoff.

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