ABILENE, KS — Romance was in the air at the Farris household as wife Allison was seen getting ready for bed without her mouthguard in place.
Mr. Aaron Farris, who had just finished brushing his teeth, felt a jolt of excitement as he noticed his wife had gotten ready for bed without the thick piece of plastic that keeps her from grinding her teeth like a chainsaw.
"Oh man, it's so on. Play it cool, Aaron," said Mr. Farris to himself. "Let me double-check. Yup, mouthguard is out. Like the married version of candlelight and Marin Gaye. Little extra mouthwash, and we'll be good to go."
As he prepared to get in bed, Farris made an extra show of not putting on his CPAP machine. "Mm, think I'm going to stay up for a bit," announced Farris to his wife. "Yeah, sleep apnea can wait. Got, um, something else on my mind."
At publishing time, Farris was sure he'd read the signals correctly as he discovered his wife also wasn't wearing her standard woolen socks.
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
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