Rohan Criticized For Crossing State Lines To Defend Minas Tirith
Entertainment ยท Nov 13, 2021

PELENNOR FIELDS - King Theoden and his accomplices in Rohan are facing possible murder charges, the cavalry being under intense scrutiny for crossing state lines before defending their neighbor to the south.

"They crossed state lines to get here - and do they even have a permit for those spears?" asked one stunned Orc, Garflob Magobblegon. "They're basically just coming down here hunting innocent Orcs."

Indeed, Magobblegon produced reliable witnesses who claim Rohan had been collaborating with a Dúnedain ranger who uttered the slur, "Let's hunt some Orc," though others claim this account is apocryphal and is not reflected in the earliest accounts of the ranger's exploits.

"By the way, did I mention King Theoden CROSSED STATE LINES?! That used to mean something here in Middle Earth," the Orc added.

Footage of the event seems to show the Rohirrim acting in defense of their neighbors in Gondor. Middle Earth judges replayed the event in slow motion, and evidence does seem to show that the Rohirrim only charged in and slaughtered the Orcs and the Haradrim once they and their friends' lives were threatened by the roaming armies of Mordor out in the open field of battle. Nonetheless, many legal experts believe that crossing state lines adds another twist to this case.

"Rohan shouldn't have been there in the first place," said GNN reporter Borin Storrter. "King Theoden had no business being across state lines armed with a spear. If he had only minded his own business, as our GNN analyst Wormtongue advised, all those innocent Orcs would still be alive."

There is currently no word, however, as to where Gondor was when the Westfold fell.


Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.

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