U.S.—Antifa has declared war on the nation's eagles due to their association with Nazi imagery.
After sneaking up on the birds, the rioters jump out and yell, "RACIST!" before lobbing a Molotov cocktail or brick at the birds.
Unfortunately, the birds tend to fight back, something Antifa is not used to, since they usually pick on old ladies or gang up on journalists. Bloodied, bruised Antifa members stumbled out of our national parks in a daze, their attempt to end fascism for the day foiled in a flurry of feathers, claws, and beaks.
"It's well-known that eagles are racist since they insist on looking exactly like a common Nazi emblem," said one USA Today reporter. "If they were good anti-racists, they would identify as a nicer bird like a chicken or a peacefully protesting goose."
"You're a Nazi!" screamed one Antifa protester while throwing a brick at a bald eagle's nest, before the eagle charged him with his large talons extended. "AHHHHH!!! OPPRESSION! FASCISM!" he screamed while running away before finally escaping by jumping into a nearby whitewater rapid. He later criticized the rapids for being made of whitewater.
At publishing time, Antifa rioters had redoubled their efforts to attack the eagles after learning of their association with America.
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