U.S. — With speculation swirling around how the Kamala Harris campaign managed to spend over $1 billion and end up in debt, campaign officials have come forward to admit that half the funds were spent on an exquisitely rare packet of Professor Copperfield's Miracle Legumes.
"We had one chance to purchase these legumes, and it was just too good a deal to pass up," said Campaign Chair Jennifer O'Malley Dillon to reporters. "Who knows what magical and miraculous properties these charmed seeds might contain? $500 million was a steal. They could've sold for much more, so we really saved money, you know, when you think about it."
Sources close to the campaign say Kamala was approached by a mysterious merchant while vacationing deep in the jungles of Jamaica. Kamala reportedly purchased the legumes to help her win the election, before quickly turning around and realizing the merchant had vanished.
"We maintain this purchase was a wise and prudent use of campaign funds," insisted Dillon. "We expect the enchantment in Doctor Copperfield's beans to awaken and give Kamala the presidency any day now."
At publishing time, the campaign had admitted it spent another $500 million on an endorsement from Queen Latifah.
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