PACIFIC OCEAN - According to a recent paper published by the journal Nature, humans have now stopped masking, but fish and other ocean life will be wearing discarded masks for the next few million years.
"While the billions of masks being dumped into the Earth's oceans will prove to be one of the worst ecological disasters in human history, this calamity has been offset by the reassurance that liberals could constantly wear masks in public and private and virtue signal that they were good people." said the paper's lead author, Dr. Eugene Daughterson, Ph.D.
The paper expounded on the precious balance between a person's strong desire to be seen as compliant to government overreach and smothering our world's delicate coral reefs with innumerable petroleum-based disposable masks.
The study emphasized, "Furthermore, the masking of fish may very well slow the spread of ocean-borne COVID-19, which, we've been told by Pfizer representatives, totally exists."
On yet another positive note about masks, the paper has found no conclusive evidence that masks choking out the life of sea turtles and other sea life has a deleterious effect on climate change.
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
