WASHINGTON, D.C. — New York Congressman Jamaal Bowman again found himself trying to explain away an awkward situation today, as he apparently once again pulled the Capitol fire alarm whilst attempting to flush a urinal.
"Oh my, is that what that does? I thought it was for the urinal," Bowman reportedly said when questioned by the Capitol Police. "I was just trying to get rid of my waste. Shaking hands with an old friend, you know? I thought pulling that lever would evacuate my urine from the receptacle. My mistake!"
Republican members of Congress and skeptical American citizens expressed doubt regarding Rep. Bowman's story. "Let me get this straight," Ohio Congressman Jim Jordan shouted. "First, he thought the fire alarm was a lever that would open the door of the Capitol complex, and today he thinks the fire alarm will empty the urinal after he drains his swamp? I'm not buying it! In fact, I'm launching a formal inquiry!"
When pressed for further explanation, Rep. Bowman continued to claim it was an innocent error. "I'm really going to have to plead ignorance on this one," he said. "It activates the fire alarm? Seriously? I thought it said ‘FIRE' on it in huge, clear letters to let anyone know how to clear out the urinal after a long session of Congress. I'm being honest here."
At publishing time, Rep. Bowman refused to confirm reports that the Washington, D.C. Fire Department has responded to his place of residence 4,785 times in the last six months.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.