Reformed Church To Offer Artisan Beard-Sculpting Ministry To Homeless

HAMPDEN, MD—In effort to minister to the local homeless population, Refuge Church has announced that they will be launching a beard-sculpting ministry this spring.

“We’re commanded to be all things to all people,” Lead Pastor Bryson Smith said. “It’s our prayer that the offer of a finely sculpted beard will be the bridge people need to connect them to the gospel.”

According to sources, the announcement was met with enthusiasm by the local homeless population. “There are plenty of food, shelter, and clothing ministries,” one transient was overheard saying. “But no one has offered to give me what I really need to get ahead: a perfectly lined up stubble, garibaldi, or Bandholz beard.”

Refuge Church reportedly has many volunteers lined up to serve in this ministry, possessing skills across the shaving spectrum.

“I’m honored to serve in a vital ministry that fits my passion in life,” Refuge Church covenant partner and badger brush aficionado Dylan Roberts said. “I tried serving in our evangelism and discipleship ministries, but now I have a chance to advance the Kingdom in a way that’s truly me.”

In addition to shaving services, classes and seminars are said to be in the works, including “Safety Razors vs. Straight Edge,” “Working the Perfect Lather,” “Beard Oil 101,” “What your Face Says About Your Theology,” and “Jesus Shaves.”

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