LINCOLN, NE—In a shocking disaster, the stage at Faithpointe Church suddenly collapsed right in the middle of the sermon Sunday, as Pastor Cal Walden’s ego had grown so large the structure could no longer support his weight, sources confirmed.
“The common thread through all the stories of the great heroes of the Bible, is that all of them believed in themselves when the going got tough,” Walden eloquently preached as his audience of 4,000 hung on his every word. “And today, I’m here to tell you that you are awesome, and that I am awesome too! Say it with me: ‘I am awesome!'”
“I hope you’re paying attention, because man, I’m preaching good!” he yelled.
As Walden continued to declare how awesome he was, a loud crunch reportedly reverberated throughout the massive worship center. The pastor then looked around, bewildered, just moments before he plummeted through the rapidly collapsing stage, through the floor underneath the stage, and into the church’s basement.
“This happens from time to time,” church architectural consultant Jacob Russell told reporters. “Megachurch stages are required to handle up to five tons of pastoral ego, but once in a while even that’s not enough.”
Walden’s pride is expected to make a full recovery, according to medical experts.
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