PEORIA, IL—According to sources, a parent's worst nightmare has become a reality for the Smith family after their daughter fell in with the wrong crowd at school and snuck out at night to wear N95 masks.
"This isn't the daughter I raised," said Mr. Smith to reporters. "We raised her to love freedom and liberty and to own the libs. But apparently, she's forgotten everything we taught her. When I was a boy, we snuck out at night to drink beer and smoke weed. Whatever happened to those days? What is wrong with this generation?"
Witnesses say the Smith's 16-year-old daughter Linda had purchased a pack of N95 masks at a local hardware store and was planning to meet some friends at "make-out hill" to wear them while socially distancing and talking about socialism and saving the environment.
"I'm so afraid my daughter is heading down a dangerous road," said Linda's mother. "N95 masks are a gateway drug to doing harder stuff, like taking the experimental Pfizer vaccine. I feel like I don't even know my own little girl anymore."
According to Linda's close friends, she plans to get her parents off her back by reporting them to the FBI.
Chris Smitherson has a problem: he's unvaccinated -- which means he's left out of all activities as he doesn't have COVID like his vaccinated friends. Thoughts and prayers.