WORLD — Senator Rand Paul died tragically on Monday after heroically diving in front of an AGM-114 Hellfire missile fired by an MQ-1 Predator Drone before it could strike a Venezuelan drug boat.
According to sources, the U.S. Air Force was tracking a suspected Venezuelan drug shipment over international waters when it received explicit authorization from the president to take it out. But just before the missile could make contact with the drug boat, a man later identified as the senator from Kentucky somehow leaped hundreds of feet through the air, putting his body between a Hellfire missile and a drug boat full of cocaine and members of Cartel de los Soles.
"This is unconstitutional! They must have due process!" the senator said with his final breath before his body was blown to bits.
Military officials were stunned. "Whoa, where did he come from?" the drone pilot reportedly said. "He came out of nowhere!"
Senator Paul has consistently criticized President Trump's attacks on Venezuelan drug boats, arguing that Trump is using the military to attack them without sufficient evidence. "These strikes go against who we are as a country," Paul said weeks before his untimely death. "I don't support drug cartels, but I do support the Constitution of the United States."
"Constitution? What's a Constitution? That sounds gay," Trump reportedly said in response.
The senator is survived by fellow Libertarian Thomas Massie, who has promised to irritate Trump in Paul's stead.
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