TUCSON, AZ — According to legend, local man William Scarborough stopped to hold the door open for people entering behind him at an IHOP 27 years ago and he's been stuck there ever since. Every time he thinks he can finally let go of the door and sit down for some pancakes, more people show up.
IHOP Manager Betty Cakes says she has asked him to leave multiple times because their air conditioning bill is astronomical.
"I can't just let the door close in their face!" Scarborough told reporters conducting a human interest story 15 years ago. "That would be rude."
Sadly, the quiet hero has since lost his job, family, and friends because there was no one there to keep the door to his life open for him.
Today, IHOP's unofficial doorman keeps a constant vigil, greeting people with a brief nod whenever the wind rattles his bones. "Have some pancakes for me," his smile appears to say.
But maybe, just maybe, today will be the day he can finally close the door and set himself free.
At publishing time, it has been revealed that William Scarborough has been dead this whole time.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: