SODOM AND GOMORRAH - Mistaking her for a racist statue, an angry mob has torn down Lot's wife, who is a pillar of salt. His wife was thought to be a hateful symbol of white privilege and patriarchy and probably some other bad stuff.

This is the most recent attack in a wave of destruction that has claimed the lives of thousands of statues, including Christopher Columbus, George Washington, and the Fonz.

"Lot's wife must come down!" screamed angry rioters as they tied her up with ropes and graffitied all over her salty form. "Down with hate! Down with hate!"

"We are really salty!"

Once the pillar of salt had been torn down, protesters had a barbecue.