Prosecutors Move For Mistrial As Jury Has Been Tainted By Clear Video Evidence Of Kyle Rittenhouse Defending Himself
U.S. · Nov 8, 2021 · BabylonBee.com

KENOSHA, WI - Prosecutors in the Kyle Rittenhouse murder trial have asked the judge to declare a mistrial after the defense team produced clear video evidence of Rittenhouse defending himself against a wave of violent Communists. 

"This isn't fair!" said the prosecuting attorney. "This clear, undeniable video evidence of Rittenhouse epically sending wave after wave of zombie-like Antifa thugs back to the abyss from whence they came - entirely in self-defense, we might add - has permanently tainted this case." 

Sources say that as the video played, the entire court oohed and ahhed at the sight of the epic chad Kyle Rittenhouse defending the safety of his friends and neighbors against "a bloodthirsty horde of white Commies and child molesters" who were trying to burn down the city.

As the video faded to black, the entire jury rose to their feet in applause, chanting "KYLE! KYLE! KYLE!"

The prosecutors have requested a retrial in Serbia where they don't speak English or have video screens to play video evidence. "If we don't do this," they said, "white supremacy has won." 


BIG NEWS: We made a movie, and you can watch the trailer NOW:

Click here to find out how you can watch the movie when it releases on October 11

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now