Prosecutor Proves How Deadly AR-15 Is By Accidentally Shooting 7 Jurors

KENOSHA, WI—During his closing argument yesterday in the Rittenhouse trial, lead prosecutor Thomas Binger proved just how deadly an AR-15 can be by spraying bullets into the jury. 

"AR-15's are big and scary, and to prove it, look at this!" he exclaimed to the horrified jury as he produced a scary-looking black rifle. "Don't let my adorable fauxhawk hairstyle and metrosexual glasses fool you, I know how to handle these deadly weapons!" 

He then sprayed several rounds into the seated jurists, hitting 7 of them. 

"Oops! Oh no! That wasn't supposed to happen!" said the startled prosecutor as he began to soil his trousers. "But that just goes to show you how deadly and dangerous these things are! Kyle Rittenhouse had absolutely no business carrying one! They just go off and kill people at random!" 

Binger then glanced at his partner prosecutor and gave a thumbs up, having "totally nailed" the closing argument.

Sources say medics are now on site tending to the wounded jurists. Rittenhouse has offered to give the lead prosecutor some lessons on how to handle a firearm properly once the prosecutor finishes his own prison sentence.


Gregory Ilinovich loves murdering people with illegal guns - so he's a bit concerned about all these new gun regulations. Luckily, he tends not to follow laws anyway.

Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube
There are 146 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.

Get the Bee delivered straight to your inbox: