Pros And Cons Of Every Diet Plan
Sponsored · Mar 4, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

Brought to you by: Equip

So you want to get healthier, drop a few pounds, and get yourself in better shape? Great! Now all you have to do is choose a diet plan. How do you know which one is right for you?

The Babylon Bee is here with a helpful list of pros and cons for some of the most popular diet plans:

Keto

Pro: Weight loss, muscle gain, reduced blood sugar

Con: If you take one tiny bite of bread you will die

Carnivore

Pro: Reduced inflammation, increased muscle, weight loss, feeling great

Con: You are now the most annoying person in all the world

Baptist Diet

Pro: Health benefits from no alcohol consumption

Con: You're 300 pounds and have diabetes

Vegan

Pro: Lower cholesterol, reduced risk of cancer and cardiovascular disease

Con: You're a vegan

Paleo

Pro: Less inflammation, more energy

Con: Your grocery bill is $12,000 per month

Twinkie Diet

Pro: You get to eat Twinkies

Con: None

Atkins Diet

Pro: You have already lived long enough to know what the Atkins Diet is

Con: The Atkins Diet will finish you off

Crickets & Mealworms Diet

Pro: You become a docile, compliant vassal of the New World Order

Con: The grasshopper leg stuck in your teeth is still wiggling

Vegetarian Diet

Pro: You can significantly extend your life

Con: Your significantly extended life is no longer worth living

Socialist Diet

Pro: Rapid and sustained weight loss

Con: Death due to rapid and sustained weight loss

Look over the list above and decide which diet is right for you. Don't worry, no matter which option you choose, you can always pick something else after you quit in two weeks.


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