QUEENS, NY - Local progressive Christian Ziggy Hans loves gay people. He's always sure to berate his conservative Christian enemies for not loving gay people enough. His Facebook feed is covered in posts condemning other Christians for not loving gay people as much as he does. 

"I just love them so much," he said as he waved at a gay couple walking by. "Like, you don't even know. It's really sad that a lot of people don't show Jesus's love to them in tangible ways."

There's only one thing Hans doesn't love them enough to do, however: share the gospel with them.

"The what?" he said as a reporter asked him why he doesn't share the life-saving message of Jesus Christ with his gay friends. "The gospel? Oh, yeah, that. Yeah, it's just, I don't know---it feels so unloving to tell them they're headed to hell without Christ. I'm just not sure they would want me to warn them."

At publishing time, Hans had seen a gay couple walking into traffic but didn't tell them that a bus was about to hit them for fear of being labeled a homophobe.