LEWISVILLE, TX — In a move privacy advocates are hailing as historic, Texas's state legislature has passed a batch of new laws allowing civilians to shoot Google Maps camera cars on sight.
"These new laws will allow Texans to exercise their God-given, constitutionally guaranteed, and morally necessary rights to blow away any of these creepy-crawly Googl-y spy cars." Texas Governor Abbott spoke to members of the press outside the statehouse, resting the heels of his hands on what onlookers called "comically large guns" on a "comically large belt with a comically large belt buckle" designed to look like a longhorn cow on a Texas flag logo.
Google Maps cars traverse cities and towns to help build the technology company's "street view" feature, but the company is expected to reconsider sending their camera-mounted cars through Texas's borders.
Texas lawmakers are expected to pass additional legislation allowing citizens to shoot down unwanted drones, bullseye credit card machines that request fingerprint authorization, and blast phones out of the hands of TikTok influencers.
At publishing time, Texas had also announced plans for legislation allowing Texans to fire their guns in the air to show their approval of things — something they were all doing anyway.
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