WASHINGTON, D.C.—White House sources reported that President Trump carved out a half hour Thursday morning to browse his most-trusted news source, Infowars.com, in order to get a bead on domestic and international affairs before a full day of activity.
“Look at this—just look at this. Alex leaked the globalists’ darkest secrets in a Reddit AMA yesterday. Tremendous,” the President reportedly said to a nearby Secret Service agent. “Ooh, look here, Non-Hero McCain took a secret trip to Syria to help fuel the rise of ISIS. Sad! I’ll have to bring that up in my press conference later.”
Asked by the agent if he understood that Infowars is not considered an actual news source, the Commander in Chief scoffed, “You probably think bin Laden brought down the twin towers, and Sandy Hook actually happened, too. Smarten up!”
“Let me just tell you, Infowars is tremendous. I get the real news here every morning so I can go out and debunk all the fake news coming from every other news source.”
“You’re fired,” he added.
At publishing time, sources confirmed that President Trump decided to offer Alex Jones the newly created office of Fake News Czar.