Preacher Still Doing That Weird Thing With His Hands

MARTINSBURG, WV—Pastor Kevin Sadler of Covenant Community Church continues to do that weird thing with his hands, sources confirmed Monday.

“I haven’t heard a word he’s said in five or six years,” admitted church member Wes Ashbaugh. “I try really hard every Sunday, but then he does that thing—and I’m gone after that. I can’t think about anything else.”

When pressed to describe the motion, longtime churchgoer Cristina Gregory struggled to put it in words. “He sort of makes claws with his hands and then slashes the air like a weak, sad lion; but then he transitions to something more Pentecostal, like jazz hands that the Holy Spirit got a hold of.”

Elder Lester Newman was less charitable: “Imagine someone doing American Sign Language, but just making it up—and also just doing the same couple words over and over again, like he’s flashing gang signs. That’s what it’s like.”

According to sources, Pastor Sadler continues to labor in his study each week, poring over Greek and Hebrew, consulting commentaries, and prayerfully honing each illustration and application.

“When he gets really fired up,” laughed Gregory, “he goes back and forth behind the pulpit, like he’s playing hide and seek. Then the claws come out, and it’s downhill from there.”

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