PORTLAND, OR—In a powerful and stunning move, the city of Portland has decided to memorialize its bravest heroes and their courageous acts of toppling racist statues. The city has now erected a statue of these statue-toppling Antifa rioters to forever commemorate them for their efforts.
“Even when they knew they could do whatever they wanted without repercussions, and with the full support of the media, these brave freedom fighters decided to tear down statues anyway!” said Mayor Ted Wheeler holding back tears at the statue’s unveiling. “It is my great privilege to honor these gender non-conforming persons with this taxpayer-funded statue.”
One of the Antifa heroes, who was wearing a black leather jacket replete with anarchist symbols and wielding a crowbar, stopped by to give a comment. “It’s time we rise up against racists like Abraham Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt! With every window we break, business we burn, and statue we topple, we stand against fascism and grow one step closer to ending oppression!”
At publishing time the Mayor was seen unsuccessfully trying to convince the violent mob that this statue wasn’t racist and was “one of the good ones." Unfortunately, he was drowned out by the crowd which promptly tore down the new statue.