Political Analysts Predict Winner Of The Presidential Race Will Probably Be The One Who Survives Till November
Politics · Jul 16, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

U.S. — Following controversy over President Joe Biden's health and the attempted assassination of former President Donald Trump at a campaign rally over the weekend, political analysts agreed that the winner of the presidential race would probably be the one who survives until November.

An in-depth analysis of the current political landscape and the candidates running for the highest office in the nation led experts to conclude that the man who remained alive at the time of the election had the best chance of becoming president.

"All signs are pointing to the surviving candidate winning, if one of them survives at all," said Professor Blake Rumsey of the political think tank The Center for Knowing Knowledge. "With the shape Biden is in mentally and physically, and people constantly trying to murder Trump, our research shows the guy who is still living in November is the odds-on favorite to come away victorious. It's hard to win an election when you're dead. It's been done, but it's very difficult."

Some experts expressed belief that Biden would still have a shot even if he passes away due to his strong campaign infrastructure. "They're used to propping him up and making him look like he's alive," Rumsey said. "That may give them a certain level of experience, but it would be interesting to see if they could pull it off when he actually keels over."

At publishing time, leading political analysts also agreed that Biden's significant popularity among deceased voters may give him an advantage if he were to become a deceased candidate.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

DOGE is here, and Elon and Vivek will eliminate millions of government positions

Here are the top 10 most useless positions that they'll target

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now