SOUTH AFRICA—Scientists digging in South Africa are reporting they have found the remains of the very first dinosaur Planned Parenthood, offering new clues into why the dinosaurs really went extinct.
“Yes, we are proud to say this is one of our very first dinosaur reproductive health care sites,” said Alexis McGill Johnson, acting president of Planned Parenthood. “Even dinosaurs deserve the right to eliminate their own children from the face of the earth. I’m proud to reveal that Planned Parenthood does indeed trace its proud lineage all the way back to the Cretaceous Period.”
Excavation of the site reveals the clientele ranged from Triceratops to T-Rex. Scientists have concluded Planned Parenthood was very effective in convincing the dinosaurs to kill their own young at alarming rates. One uncovered pamphlet addressed to the Tyrannosaurus Rex begins with the words: “Do you really want to bring children with such tiny arms into the world?”
“Yeah, we don’t think it was a comet anymore,” one scientist said. "Based on this new evidence it would seem the dinosaurs simply eliminated their own offspring so they could live unburdened, self-focused dinosaur lives."
Ken Ham has contested the findings, insisting the Planned Parenthood site can be no older than 6000 years old.