PHILADELPHIA, PA — Yet another campaign audience was treated to a speech specially tailored to relate to them, as Vice President Kamala Harris adopted a pitch-perfect accent and image while addressing a crowd of Italian American voters.
Harris's campaign speech to a group of supporters at a local chapter of the Italian Heritage Club was punctuated by a special outfit she wore specifically for the event, consisting of a familiar red plumber's cap and a bushy, cartoon mustache.
"Pizza, ravioli, spaghetti, mamma mia!" Harris loudly proclaimed to the crowd. "When-a the moon hits your eye like a big-a pizza pie, that's amore, am I right, folks? I was born in a middle class family, and that's one spicy meat-a-ball! HAHAHA! In all seriousness though, let me make you an offer you can't refuse. Vote-a for me! I make-a your dreams-a come true, capisce? Marinara! Salami! Here we go! WOO HOO!"
Though some rally attendees seemed put off by Harris's sudden change in speech, others found the vice president quite relatable. "She sounds just-a like-a us!" said one Italian American voter. "I've never heard her speak-a this way before, but I'm-a so glad to have a candidate who talks-a like meeeeee! I'm sure it's not just some stunt that she repeated with crowds of other people groups. Spaghetti!"
At publishing time, Harris's speech to the Italian crowd had concluded with her Tony Soprano-like pledge to keep working to make sure someone would eventually "whack" Donald Trump.
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