Penguin Random House Announces Revised Dr. Seuss Book 'Oh, The People You'll Cancel!'
Worldviews

NEW YORK, NY—Penguin Random House has announced a revised, more socially acceptable version of the popular Dr. Seuss book Oh, the Places You'll Go, which was pulled from store shelves for racism and also for the suggestion that you should go places during a pandemic.

Here is part of the revised text provided by the publisher:

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to find bad tweets!
You're off and away!

You have a journalism degree,
And Twitter's search function,
You can go find bad guys,
And throw 'em into a dungeon.
You're a journalist now, and you know what to do,
Go find dead racists, like ol' Dr. Seuss.

You'll look up and down tweets. Look at 'em with care.
About some you will say, "This is racist, I swear!"
With your pen full of ink and your MacBook in tow,
You'll write fiery op-eds saying, "Burn this book, bro!"

And you'll cancel old authors
And bad butter mascots
And racist sports logos
And gendered potatoes.

"Do better!" you'll say,
And they'll all go away.

Out there in the world,
There are no safe spaces,
People of color need you,
To protect their own races.

And when you see something
That you don't really like,
Take a deep breath
And go scream at the sky.

OH!
THE PEOPLE YOU'LL CANCEL!

Purchasing the new version of Oh, the Places You'll Go! after burning your old copy is, of course, mandatory, the publisher confirmed at publishing time.

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