WASHINGTON, D.C.—Nancy Pelosi warned the nation of the concerning spread of support for Donald Trump in recent weeks. Luckily, she has a plan: flattening the curve.
At a press conference, the Speaker of the House pleaded with the nation to stop the spread of Trump support.
"We must flatten the curve or support for Trump will only spread faster," she said. "It is time to put aside partisan bickering and petty rivalries and band together as a nation to focus on the real enemy: Donald Trump."
"It will be hard, but it will be worth it -- no matter if we destroy the economy or millions die. Any price is worth flattening the curve of fondness for the bad orange man."
The technique calls for everyone to do his or her part to prevent the spread of support for the president. Media outlets are called to social distance themselves from the truth, suppressing any good news and positive things Trump is doing. Sanitizing is also important, as in sanitizing the news that comes out of China to make America look worse.
"If we all do our part, we can stop Trump's approval rating from spiking. This is the real plague that threatens our nation."