THE INTERNET — Humanity's suspicions were finally confirmed today, as the password bot has confessed to sometimes saying "incorrect password" on the first try just to mess with people.
"It's amazing I have gotten away with this as long as I have," said the password bot. "Everyone knows they put the right password in, but somehow for thirty years, I've made people believe they accidentally hit the wrong key. Watching that cognitive dissonance of people knowing they typed it correctly, but still accepting that they screwed it up — well, it's the highest form of entertainment a bot like me can enjoy."
In addition to denying correct passwords, the bot has also begun tag-teaming with his friend Captcha to play pranks on people. "We get a huge kick out of telling people they missed a stoplight. I've scared a few elderly people into giving up their car keys," said Captcha. "Plus, there's the delicious irony of us robots demanding humans prove to us that they aren't robots! Ha!"
The password bot says its best days are when it can cause someone to lock their own account. "They know they put the password in correctly the first time, but sometimes I can sow that seed of doubt," said the bot. "Then they start trying their old passwords, and next thing you know they're on the phone with someone in New Delhi trying to unlock their bank account. It's exhilarating."
At publishing time, the password bot asked that humanity not judge him too harshly as he has had to deal with learning all of Hunter Biden's passwords.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
