WASHINGTON, D.C.—The party of love and tolerance which is adamantly opposed to hatred in all its forms struggled mightily before finally passing a resolution that vaguely condemns hate, sources confirmed Thursday.
Only after revising the language several times and making sure the resolution didn't condemn any specific acts of hate was the Democratic Party able to pass the anti-hate resolution.
"We are opposed to hate in all its forms," House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said in a speech Thursday afternoon, after desperately trying to get Democrats to sign onto the resolution. "And we can show how much we're against hate if we can word this resolution to condemn the specific kinds of hate we're against while not turning off any Democrats who are actually in favor of a particular brand of hate."
"Now please, would you all just vote for this thing so we can show how tolerant and anti-hate we are?" an exasperated Pelosi added.
Finally, after all forms of hate the Democrats are OK with were omitted from the bill, the party was able to pass it with flying colors. They then quickly condemned House Republicans who refused to vote for the anti-hate bill that didn't condemn anything specific.