VERNAL, UT — Alvin and Nora Spleent, the parents of three adorable, rambunctious children, reportedly rushed to get their offspring fed, bathed, and into bed so the couple could sit down and enjoy their favorite tv show. They were asleep on the couch in five minutes, according to sources.

The couple has been stuck on the same episode for three weeks.

"I did some calculations, and at this rate it will take us four years to finish season one," said Nora to her neighbors in between yawns. "But ask me how many times I have seen each and every episode of Bluey. 43 times. I know every line. Every word. I am become one with Bluey."

The neighbor, who seemed to have all the energy in the world, thoughtfully suggested the parents use their time more efficiently by plopping their kids in front of a couple iPads, locking them in the basement, or drugging them.

At publishing time, Alvin Spleent had confessed to Nora that he'd finished season one of the show on the night he stayed up holding their child sick with a fever.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.