SEATTLE, WA — According to sources, a local man working in his office caught a glimpse out the window of a crane operator and instantly regretted all the choices he'd made in life so far.
"An accountant? What on earth was I thinking?" Mark Carlson sighed. "That dude sitting in that crane with the levers and buttons…he looks like a king. Like a gosh darn king."
Carlson stared wistfully out the window for the better part of Thursday afternoon before realizing he had 15 quarterly KPI reports that needed to be submitted by the end of the day. At one point he discreetly Googled ‘crane operator certification' during a 2-hour meeting with his team that could have easily been a short email.
"I wonder what my wife would say if I told her I was going to quit my job and work on a crane?" Carlson asked himself as his boss talked for twenty minutes about the importance of attaching appropriate supporting schedules to all account reconciliations.
As of publishing time, Carlson had committed to quitting his job to pursue his new dream until he learned crane operators don't get four weeks paid time off every year, free coffee in the break room, and have to be able to lift more than 30 pounds.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
