U.S. - The last vestiges of COVID restrictions are being removed after a judge overruled the mask mandate for U.S. flights. As cries of joy were heard around the nation, a bloodcurdling scream was reportedly heard echoing through the halls of the NIH in Maryland.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Dr. Anthony Fauci. "You FOOLS! The mandates! The very source of my power! What have you done? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"
Several witnesses say Fauci began writhing and hissing as he began to disintegrate before the eyes of several staff members who watched in unmasked horror. "Avert your eyes, team, look away!" said one staffer to the rest of his team as Fauci continued to melt into an ashen heap on the floor.
"How DARE you! I am Dr. Fauci! I AM SCIENCE!" said Dr. Fauci. "CURSE YOU, DeSantis! CURSE YOU Judge Kathryn Kimball Mizelle! You may have beaten me this time, but I will return! I WILL RETURN! MUAH HA HA HA HA HA Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
Sources say Fauci then dissolved completely, leaving nothing but an empty lab coat, a pair of glasses, and a small pile of white ashes. Some say he has been sealed away in a dark realm by the power of freedom, but that he may return in the future to take revenge on all who opposed him.
DeSantis responded by making Fauci's imminent return illegal in Florida.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
