SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Amid heated debate in Washington over President Trump's border wall, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has weighed in, ruling that construction on the U.S.-Mexico border wall can proceed, so long as it is "short enough that a pregnant woman carrying a child in each arm could be expected to scale it without difficulty."
While that definition may seem vague to some, the Ninth Circuit's judges further clarified in their decision that "two or three feet high ought to suffice." Contractors working on the wall have been ordered to have a pregnant woman and several children on hand. Each family will be asked to stress-test climbing over the wall every ten feet to ensure all portions of the barrier are equally easy to scale. Should the sample woman have to exert herself too much, construction workers will have to lower that part of the wall.
"We are in full support of President Trump's right to secure our nation's borders, so long as his actions do not cause undue burden on those trying to get into our country illegally," the court wrote in its decision.
The Court further assured Americans that its decision is in keeping with the Constitution, claiming that they googled "What is the Constitution?" and "Constitutional Law for Dummies" several times during deliberations.