CONCORD, NH — Presidential frontrunner and conservative favorite Nikki Haley announced that she has won the New Hampshire primary by a whopping negative 12 points, sources confirmed this evening.
"It's an honor to not be New Hampshire's overwhelming pick to not run against President Biden this fall," said Haley to an enthusiastic crowd of 12 Democrats. "Tonight we sent a loud and clear message to Donald Trump that we won't not not be ignored!"
Media outlets called the race early as Nikki Haley began to pull away by a negative 9 points. Sources expect the lead to grow to around negative 12.
At publishing time, Nikki Haley confirmed she would not definitely in no way not stay in the race.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
