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New York To Be Sucked Out Of Nation With Vacuum

U.S.—The nation has agreed to undergo a controversial medical procedure in which the unwanted growth of the state of New York will be sucked out with a surgical vacuum.

Some call the practice barbaric, but the nation agreed it was necessary to move forward with a long, fulfilling life. Typically, doctors won't take out a state that's so far along, but since it threatened the life of the nation, they made an exception. 

"We have to decide what's best for us---no one can make that decision for us," said one man in Texas who voted for the national referendum to have the procedure done. "It's our nation, our choice."

The nation first attempted to give New York up for adoption, but no one wanted it except North Korea.

At publishing time, the nation had told the doctors to go ahead and just take out Washington, D.C. as well.

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