NEW YORK, NY - The New York Times announced Monday that going forward its papers will be printed only on the far-left side of the page, moving its news, opinions, and commentary from the center as far left as possible.
Subscribers receving a copy of the Times will now receive a mostly blank newspaper, with all the content smashed up against the far-left margin of the paper.
"We want our paper's format to best represent the slant of our team of writers and editors," a representative for the Times said. "If we printed in the center of the paper, or even to the center-left, that would be misrepresenting our views. Only the very far-left edge of the paper is worthy of our bizarre, progressive worldview."
Monday's edition was the first to utilize the new format, and received "very positive" reception from the Times' readership, according to the editorial board.
"We've received a ton of positive comments praising our objective reporting that is now entirely written in a far-left perspective," the rep said. "You literally can't look at our paper and find anything on the right, or even the center anymore - exactly how a good, unbiased newspaper should be."